Current mood:	Shushan Sameach?
Entry tags:	humor, judaism, purim

Purim kiddush update
Although this year, the text of our Purim kiddush was not updated (laziness), we did have 2-page long "source-sheets" (pdf) (OpenOffice.org 1.1 source*) including the text and translation to hand out. In order to make it exactly two pages, and get the formatting to work out, I did add an additional "explanatory" story and instruction set. Here it is:

Although some authorities deride the minhag of making kiddush on Purim as a minhag shtus, we follow the opinion of the Altered Rebbe. A long time ago, when the Rebbe was traveling with his Chassidim in the Highlands of Scotland, they walked into a town only to realize that it was midday on Purim, almost time for the se'udah. The quick-thinking Rebbe first tried to find if there were any Jews in the town, with whom to celebrate the holiday, but found that the only other Jews in the town were either heretics, or, equivalently, from a different Chassidic sect. This fact meant that they would be alone, in a strange, unknown and dangerous place for the all-important se'udah. The Rebbe and the Chassidim entered an inn. After a lively hour-long debate between the Rebbe and his heir about whether wine hechshered by the local authorities was kosher, it was decided that the potential treifness of the wine would have to be diluted. The Chassidim then cleaned out the inn's entire supply of hechshered wine and, some say, even the Scotch. But, before they drank, the Altered Rebbe lead them in the recitation of the kiddush for Purim. By sunset, they were so drunk, that they did not remember to read the Megillah. Nor did they notice that Purim had ended. To this day, the celebration continues in the Yeshivah of the Altered Rebbe.

It is customary to recite the kiddush for Purim during the Purim se'udah. The Purim kiddush is recited over a cup of wine and a cup of Scotch whisky, preferably of good quality. The cup of wine is held in the right hand, and the cup of Scotch in the left hand, symbolizing the primacy of the drink that requires the stronger hechsher. Following the beracha, at each quoted mention of words related to grape products, drink a sip of wine, and, at each mention of liquors, drink a sip of Scotch.

Additional instructions were added at the bottom of the kiddush:
MANY CONGREGATIONS RECITE ALL FIVE BOOKS OF TEHILLIM AT THIS POINT. OTHERS EAT AND DRINK.

Happy Shushan Purim!

*NOTE: The OOo source requires the nonstandard Cardo font.